At times, it is difficult for us as writers to latch on to a character’s voice. Each character we create is unique in their perspectives, and the way they narrate their stories should be presented as equally unique. Working with character voice takes a lot of practice and consideration, and sometimes we may never feel that we nailed the sound quite correctly. However, for those of us who are just taking our first steps into working with character voice, there is one tactic that can immediately bring a reader from the outside of a narrator’s head to the inside: the removal of “thought verbs.”
The definition of “thought verbs” is right there in the name. In this context, it refers to any action word that reveals an idea, want, or need. For some, especially for beginning writers, it seems necessary to spell out exactly what our character is thinking and feeling. Action words like “thought,” “saw,” “felt,” “heard,” “looked,” and everything in-between, present a straight-forward way to let an audience know what’s happening. But sometimes we do this at the cost of showing real character.
As an example, take this segment of narration:
I thought Julie was so pretty. I saw her sitting on the lawn during lunch break, and I couldn’t help but notice how the sun shined in a halo on her long, black hair. I could see the way her blue eyes bore into the page of her open book, and I wanted to go to her, sit by her side, and tell her I understood.
Now, compare this segment with the one below:
Julie was so pretty. During lunch, she sat on the lawn with an open book in her lap. The sun shined a halo on her long, black hair, and her blue eyes bore into the page. Maybe one of these days I could find the courage to go to her and sit by her side. Then she would know I understood.
Note that the first passage has an almost monotonous tone: “I thought,” “I saw,” “I couldn’t,” “I could,” “I wanted.” However, the next segment seems closer to a character’s own thought process and not a direct narration: instead of noticing the sun shining a halo on Julie’s hair, they are experiencing it.
While, in general, a thought verb is necessary every now and then, finding ways to work around them can help give your writing more character, and less narration.