One day in the little bookstore where I work, I witnessed a conversation between one of my coworkers and a customer. When asked what kinds of books she read, my coworker immediately looked sheepish. Her eyes drifted downward, her lips screwed up in a lopsided grin, and she leaned into the counter as if preparing to collapse from embarrassment. “Well, I’m usually into romance books,” she said with a somewhat apologetic tone. Fortunately, the woman she was speaking to was a kindred spirit, and instead of chiding her for reading romance books, she chided her for being embarrassed about it. “Women shouldn’t be embarrassed about reading or liking romance,” was the general consensus of all who were in earshot during that conversation, including me.
I have admitted in the past that I am not a huge fan of the romance genre. But, as it tends to happen when my mind has been opened up to something in a new way, the subject of romance keeps making itself known to me in the general zeitgeist. And allowing myself to delve deeper into romance and its development as a genre—and its further implications and reflections on society and social structure—has, perhaps still not made me into a diehard fan, but has given me a different perspective and newfound respect for it.
For starters, romance is a genre written (primarily) by women (primarily) for women. Historically, romance first made its appearance at a time when women were just beginning to cast off the burdens of tradition and expectation that the society they lived in was thrusting upon them from the moment of their birth. Women were finally placing themselves in positions where they could voice their wants and needs. And women writers in particular were in a position to tell stories about such characters—women who put focus on themselves instead of on everyone else around them. And what a lot of them found themselves wanting, at a time when marriage was essentially a business transaction between a man and his future son-in-law, was love.
The romance genre developed as an outlet for women to express not just their desires when it came to intimate relationships, but their emotions. Their dreams. Romance as a genre made it a point to put women at the forefront of their own stories—which, of course, is why there is a constant campaign to shame women who like it; to make them feel embarrassed by their attraction to it, and furthermore feel pressured to write it off as a “guilty pleasure” just to make themselves feel better. Because there is a certain group of people in this world that simply cannot handle women being put first for anything. A whiny, pathetic group of people who always need to feel special about themselves because they’ve been told they are special from the day they were born and hearing otherwise breaks their little brains. A group of people that women are rising up against every time they allow themselves to embrace and talk about the romance genre.
When the women who had engaged my coworker in conversation left (after inviting her to join their book club, of course), she opened up to me about her reasons for enjoying romance. For one, it was a comfort to her, because it was predictable. In a world of almost constant uncertainty and anxiety for young people, especially young feminine people, it’s nice to know you’re going into something where you’re guaranteed a happy ending. And, for another, it made her feel connected to her fellow women. Romance gave her a place where she could be feminine without the usual shame that comes with it that’s inherent in modern society. It gave her a place where her own experiences and thoughts and dreams were finally reflected back at her.
A good romance gives women the chance to be human. And though many readers are well aware there has been some internalized misogyny introduced to the genre in recent generations, there are still plenty of authors out there who have held on to the truths at the heart of its original development: love, connection, and comfort. It’s as simple as that.
Night Owls, what do you love most about romances? What is your favorite romance story? What is your favorite romance trope?
